Y’all know about my extreme distaste for spiders, right? I may have mentioned it a time or two. Well, that distaste goes for the fake variety, too. Those Halloween spider rings? Can’t stand them! We have an educational game called “Busy Bugs” that has colorful plastic bugs, arachnids included, and I will not touch the spiders.
Real or fake, I’m an equal opportunity spider hater. I know they are superbly useful, blah, blah, blah. I’m cool with the spiders purpose on the planet, I just don’t want to ever see them. Like ever.
But big, bendy, super-fake looking spiders? They have no purpose on this planet other than to terrorize people like me. How rude! And yes, this monstrosity is in a waste basket where I have continued to put it since it first surfaced as a
torment item toy for my brother about 15 years ago. Dang thing keeps crawling out and hiding at my Dad’s house. You just never know where that giant rubber arachnid will show up.
Kind of like Where’s Waldo, but with less Waldo and more rubber spiders.
So it came it was little surprise when we stayed at my Dad’s this weekend, this is where Spidy was hanging out. On top of a stack of children’s books in my boys’ bedroom. Son #2 alerted us to this fact after he went down to check out the new bunk beds, and came shrieking back up the stairs 2 seconds later.
It was funny because it didn’t happen to me.
My Dad gallantly intervened and put the object of his grandson’s horror away.
This is where I found him the next morning as I was getting ready to shower. In the guest linen closet next to the soap and clean towels. I may or may not have shrieked a little. And what is it with been freaked out by something that is so obviously fake?
My Dad insists that Spidy’s placement in the linen closet was purely coincidental, and he didn’t intend to startle me. Oh really, Dad?!
I found a new home for Spidy on Dad’s mouse. I figured he would find him next time he checked his email. Which he never did, because my Dad rarely checks his personal email. And because he was too busy entertaining his four grandsons and (patiently) listening to their fart humor.
Somehow, the spider ended up tucked into our bedding. No one admits to his placement there–I suspect Son #1. He’s sneaky. That and he’s the only one of my boys that would touch the thing. With a towel shielding his hand.
So naturally, I took Spidy off my bed and put him inside my Dad’s birthday present. He had to open that! It was a gift, after all.
This is how my brother wraps gifts. Look like he’s carrying a plaid body bag. My family has an odd sense of humor. I come by it honestly.
Open it, Dad! “Why do I have to open it? I am not going to cook anything.”
Always so suspicious. You should really work on that Dad. Take off the lid!
(Opens lid.) “Oh no! A giant spider is attacking my birthday card!”
(Slams lid shut.) Son #1 is out of the frame to the right, laughing hysterically.
Dad pauses for a nanosecond, then decides to toss Spidy at Son #1. I laugh hysterically.
Again, it’s funny because it wasn’t me.
Son #1 promptly hucks the spider back at my Dad. I swear that we’ve taught him to respect his elders. Really, we have. I missed that shot because I was still working on figuring out the action setting on my camera.
Then Dad decides that perhaps it is time that Spidy meet his ultimate demise by being fried up with the Tilapia Cakes that we had for dinner. Sons #2 & #3 thought he was serious. Kind of. They weren’t really sure, but they were suspicious of the Tilapia Cakes.
We are a weird family.